A DAY THAT WENT LIKE THIS
"My calci is missing" said Sakshi silently. It was 3rd sem ISE classroom. Gals around her made their faces. "Oh my goodness...!!!u were as if , u are diagnosed with cancer or tumor,!!" said priya and gave a thundering laugh . She looked around the whole class. A momentary silence loomed in the class. everyone started giving blank looks at her. None had joined her in her wild laughter. Now the whole class exploded in laughter. They were laughing at her and not on her joke. She looked embarrassed. She decided to make up for embarrassment and came up with one more dismal effort. “God forbid …u didn’t consume poison na , did u..???” Once again she exploded in laughter. Result however remained the same. Now she grew wise and hid her face in the desk and swore not to try the same in future.
“I said my calci is missing and u guys are making fun of me,…!!!! Screw you ******** …..” Sakshi burst out. Whole class grew silent.
“Which model…, when did u last see it…???” a cold voice pierced through the silence… everyone looked in the direction of the voice…. The guy in the last but one bench removed his hat , made his hairs. He rolled his fingers over his tummy. It was the oversized Sanjeev. Everyone looked at him without winking their eyelashes as if he was Sherlock holmes in bones and flesh ...“Yes Sakshi…?” He threw a questioning look at her…she came to her senses. “Hmmm…ah.. Oh actually I dono exactly the model, I mean the series, if its FS or MS or ES.. Ha but it was blackish grey in color, a dark tone… and yeah …!! I’d stuck a Imran khan’s tattoo on it . “ and she started blushing. She continued “it was in morning in house that I last saw it...” and started weeping.
“Case looks complicated…” and he paused, gave a deep breath and continued “Thief can be anyone amongst us. Priya you , Rajeev you , Krish u or it can be myself” said Sanjeev in a filmy way . Sakshi pounced on sanjeev ,“u humpty dumpty , dirty rogue.!! Never in my wildest dream did I think that u will drop to this level. U stole my calci .!!!sh.. sh.. shame on you…!!!..I’ll kill you , you ****** “ & she started strangulating him . Everyone tried their best to calm her down.
“li…lissss…listennnn…!! Ee ee…its not me … I’m jjjjjjust figuring out a way to find ur missin calci…” “oops ..sorry..” Sakshi apologized. “so wats on your cards now..??” she asked anxiously.
“I’ve got a wonderful plan to solve this case” he said with a sharp look and his head held high. “wat’s the plan ..?” the whole class jumped at once in one voice.
Sanjeev still maintained his sharp look removed his spectacles wiped it & wore it again. Once again throwing a sharp look he said “ Y don’t we check everyone’s bag…??”…!!!
“wow!!! What an idea sirji!!” echoed half of the class…. “checking..??? oh please..!!!” shouted the other half.
“good morning ma’m “ the class stood on their feet. The lady in red saree walked into the class. She had a stick in her hands. “you are in 3rd sem B.E. , still you don’t know how to behave in the class… who’s the C.R. ? have you written the names…?”. “ma’m C.R. hasn’t come.” The class sang in chorus.
“Y..?” .“ma’m his granma is feeling well, so he hasn’t come “. “does that mean that you should create a hell out of the class..!!!!”. “soooorrrrrryyyyyy maaaaaaaaaaa’m “ the class sang in chorus.
“Y..?” .“ma’m his granma is feeling well, so he hasn’t come “. “does that mean that you should create a hell out of the class..!!!!”. “soooorrrrrryyyyyy maaaaaaaaaaa’m “ the class sang in chorus.
“Ah well!!.. ok ..where were we in last class,,,, hmmm… manvi??”. “Mam , we were doing quick sort prog”.. “Good, sit down..”. Manvi sat and almost sprang up “Ma’m you’d even asked us to learn the prog LINEAR SEARCH by heart.” And she raised her spectacles & sat with her chest held high. “stupid moron” cursed the guys. Gals however looked satisfied.
“who will recite the program now.. hmmm karthik you..”. “Ma’m I’m afraid..I didn’t learn “. “come on.. upp…up on your bench” she ordered.
“sharan you..”
“anil you”…
“amit you”…
The result was the same, half of the guys were on their benches by now.
She turned to gals row. “soumya you”. “ma’m I’ve learnt till 23rd line..hash include iostream dot h void main braces…… … .. ..” and she recited the program in one breath. And so did many gals when their turn came.
“ok . now let us continue with quick sort” and she copied the program on the black board.
“this prog performs quick sort operation on given inputs. This inpppuu....hmmm wait a minute “ and she paused at the textbooks on the table and resumed, “ya this set of inputs 13 26 66.. wait a minute..” again she peeped into the textbook , “ya 49 06 will give 06 13 26 49 66 as output “ .
“ma’m “ and a gal raised her hand , “ in the output second number from left ,is that 18 or 13.??”. “its 13 “ and the gal faithfully copied the chalk dust on the board. “Now if you are done with copying the program , come on in one tone ”hash include ss” “hash include” “bracket” “bracket” “iostream dot h” “iostream dot h” and the whole class in one tone , recited the program. When done with it , she said “tomorrow write the program 3 times and learn it by heart. And now attendance….” and now she started calling the names.. “abhi” “yes ma’m” … …… … “roshan” “yes madam” “roshni” “yes ma’m” …. .. .. .. “sakshi” . There was no answer …
Lying on her desk She was silently sobbing. Madam bent over “hey dear tell na , what happened ..” again she asked. Sakshi remained silent. Now again the ma’m asked in utmost coolness “what happened ”, no reply. “tell na stupid “ shouted the lady and landed a powerful blow on sakshi’s head which was resting on desk. Startled by teacher’s unexpected outburst she stopped her overacting and rose from her desk. And without wasting much of her time she said “ ma’m I lost my calci. It was there in my bag when I checked it in morning. I mean in home. I don’t know what to do...plz help me...” she said it as if it was a well versed line. And yes without any traces of any sobbing. Surprising!!!
“god that sounds horrible” exclaimed ma’m. now already there was enough overacting since morning , so one more overacting didn’t make much of difference. “ma’m .. sanjeev has come up with a wonderful plan to find her calci” said manvi. “This gal will never get better” someone whispered. “what is the plan, sanjeev?” . This time sanjeev had some other gestures in his store to show. No he didn’t remove his glasses nor did he roll fingers on the tummy and neither did he hold his chest high. He got up , up from his seat. Walked straight to ma’m. then he started to scratch his chin as if he’d a amazon forest on his chin. Anyone finds a single beard strand on his chin and I’ll reward them with 10 Rs. Next he rubbed his fingers beneath his nostrils. Then he slowly moved his fingers into CENSOR CUT…!! Then he frowned. Then he looked at mam gave a confident smile and he turned towards saakshi and did the same. Come on man how much over acting. Just straight away come to the point. He made eye contacts with everyone in the class, with a confident smile for the next 46 seconds. THUD..!!!! sound echoed.. ma’m slapped him and shouted in anger, ”you can do all this nautanki after the class..now just bark out the matter.” BOW..WOW..BOWWW..the dog which was taking a passionate nap in the lawn outside the class started to bark faithfully. [Now things like this often proves the point that lecturers are still given respect, no matter from whom.] Everyone burst into laughter.
“silence…!!!! Ok.. tell now..”. “ma’m I’d suggested an idea to check everyone’s bag”. Ma’m looked impressed. But didn’t laud him for his plan. She silently proclaimed “listen everybody ..!!! now everyone’s bag will be checked. Before that let me give one last chance to the one who has taken her calci. If anyone has taken her calci please return it to her and you’ll be spared of all the possible punishments”. [Come on lady , all through our life we’ve been hearin the same dialogue in situations lik this. Cant you come up with some thing like , those who have taken her calci please keep it with yourself carefully and please somehow manage to hide it so that you are not caught. And even if you are caught don’t worry I’ll excuse you. And you can keep the calci with yourself. Because I can understand the amount of labour you made, the amount of risk you took to steal it. Stay calm]. Murmurs aroused. “ so, none is it..? ok. Fine . lemme start”.
And it began. The first gal in the first bench ,shriya kept her bag on the desk. Ma’m opened it. Slowly things started to flow out. A dozen notebooks with neat brown wrappers and a label on each of them . 3 framed photos of LORD MANJUNATH, LORD GANESH, and GODESS SARASWATHI. 2 brown coloured bottles which read SRI AMRUTHA GURU SAI MEMORY CHURNA and HIMALAYA SWAMIJI STOP FORGETTING MULIKA…!!! BOOooooo….!!! The class booed. She quickly took a hold of the bottles and hid it under her jacket.
The next gal had some other things to unload from her bag. There was a magazine which read HOW TO LEARN THINGS BY HEART, there was 2 pen pouches . one had 7 ball point pens, 9 NATARAJ pencils , 2 NON DUST erasers, a 15 cm scale. And yeah!!, you guessed it right , a camlin sharpner. Another pouch had all used refills. There was a water bottle which had shiv khera’s print on it with words YOU CAN WIN.
For the next 39 minutes various things from bags of gals came into picture. Things ranging from text books to fashion magazines, pens to lipsticks, notebooks to mirrors , geometry boxes to fashion accessories..and what not!!
Now it was the turn of boys. The fast beating pulse of boys could be easily felt. The lady terror marched towards the boys row. Atleast half of the Gals looked excited. They were excited and anxious to know what non curricular stuffs did boys carry. Now anxiousness is the trademark of gals , so you cant help. Her majesty , the lady in saree reached the first bench of boys row . she proceeded to check the bag. All of a sudden a voice shot in air .“ma’m wait “ ,it said.
“Ma’m please wait” sakshi said again. Everyone were now anxious to know ,what made saakshi ask ma’m to wait. “yes saakshi..any probs..??” ma’m raised her eye brows and asked. “errr.. ma’m actually I tot dat it would be better if you start checking from the last row of guys.” “nice..!!” smiled ma’m and marched towards the last bench.
“Come on, show me. I mean the bag” she ordered. Sankalp , the guy with the red t-shirt which read
“ I know COMICS
as the word in oxford.
I’m an ADULT ”
slowly got up. He looked tensed. “ma’m I promise I’ve not taken the book. I can swear on anything. But please don’t check the bag”. Half of the culprits in this world say similar lines. They say it so effortlessly that it makes us wonder if they practice the lines almost daily. “Are you an exception in the class?? You sound like a thief. Fast..!!! Don’t waste time. Give the calci back. You shameless!!!” she shouted. And the best part was that for the first time she managed to shout without sprinkling a drop of saliva. Good..!!! Keep it up..!! “ma’m its not that. Try to understand. I’ve some things which are not supposed to be brought to college”, he half whispered. Her eyes widened. And she frowned. Murmurs rose. “ I knew , rascal . Come on tell me what you have brought, drugs? Liquor? Come to principal. I’ll make your parents come here”. “ma’m !! this is too much. You are creating a scene. Did I ever tell that I’ve brought such things to college.!! God!! This is disgusting!! I just wanted to tell that I’ve few books which I shouldn’t have. But you!! “And he broke into tears. Sob!! Sob!! Gals sympathized with him. Boys made their faces. The teacher went speechless for a second or two then suddenly she shouted, “books which you are not supposed to bring to college…!!! That means you have brought ..” “yes ma’m . I’ve brought that kind of books. So only wore t-shirt with this kind of quote” he said wiping his tears. “aren’t you ashamed.??”. He didn’t answer but bent his head down. He had turned pink. “come rascal , I’ll teach you a lesson today..!! take out those books . I’ll take you to princi.” She sounded like a hot blooded vengeance filled beast on a killing spree. Pin drop silence. He resisted. He begged. She literally overpowered him and grabbed the zipper of his bag. He caught the bag by its tummy. She pulled the zipper. And he pulled the bag. All students in the class held their breath and felt the heat of the gripping match. Again she pulled. And again he pulled. And this tug of war facilitated the process of opening the bag. And then it fell , his most treasured thing. Those Books . All rose to their feet to take a glimpse of those books. And then everyone exploded to laughter. He hid his face. Bag laid on the floor and TWINKLE, TIN TIN IN PANDORA, POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN RETURNS, NARUTO, SUPERMAN & DR.CRAB comics were sneaking out of it. “Look he is in engineering and still reads all these kinder garden stuffs”. Now I seriously don’t know if that is how people react when a college going guy is seen with children comics. But when I sat down to write this story I’d decided that this story must show heights of exaggeration and must contain all those elements which are not seen in real. Since that was my motive, I deliberately made few characters react like that. Now the lady lecturer was no more in her terrorizing avatar. Rather she posed a sly smile. “Ok... Kiddo...Put all this back in your bag. And all you people back to your places…… and hey you, what’s your name?? Hmmm ha... Akash show me your bag “. And she resumed her bag checking process.
Over the next twenty four minutes and fifty two seconds bags of boys put up whole different kind of things to show. There were tennis balls (expected). There were dog eared, tags and rags of year old notebooks, hair gels, Deos, broken pens. And yeah there were chewing gum wrappers. In short it was scrapper shop. Some even had their stinking socks in their bags. God bless them..!! In spite of being a boy this is something I’ve never understood. Why most of the boys maintain their belongings in such a state. They never care to keep their books properly. They never care to cover their notebooks. They never care to bring books as per their timetables. And gals on the other hand do things in complete contrast. Is it because gals feel that the marks they get in academics is in a way or other influenced by all these things?? Or is because boys feel that they want to have separate identity from that of, gals that they end up maintaining things in this way..!!! Well let me not pump too much of philosophy into this, and resume with my story.
Now she was done with quarter a dozen benches. She now bent over to check the next guy’s bag. But she could see only the bag. It appeared as if none owned the bag. “Whose bag is this??” she asked. No reply. “Rohan and you ..!! What’s your name!! Yeah..! nithin.. You both tell me. You sit in this bench. Tell me whose bag is this?”. “ma’m we seriously don’t know. It was here since morning. And we never really bothered to find the owner.” They replied in monotone. She looked convinced and let them sit down. She took the bag. Opened it. The bag was almost empty but for a yellow colored plastic cover. She frowned and opened it. There inside it was a box wrapped in a gift wrapper. “People tell me, whose is this?? If not I’m going to confiscate it”. None replied. She should have asked it in the other way round, like “whose gift is this?? the owner can take it back ” and I bet, more than 40 hands would have gone up in the air.
But now since none replied she started unwrapping the pack. Slowly the wrapper lay bare the thing hidden beneath it. Everyone held their breath. Even the faintest sound in the classroom echoed. PIN DROP SILENCE. 3…2…..1… and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUSSS…HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU NEETHA MA’M HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUSSS. Ma’m stood dumbfounded with a beautiful wall frame which read birthday wishes to the dearest teacher. And singing the wishes were our own sakshi and sanjeev. Everyone looked surprised but they recovered from their state and joined them both to sing the song. Ma’m still found it hard to figure out what was happening. “That means .yo...”, “yeah mam , you guessed it right.!!” She interrupted her and continued “we knew that it was your birthday today. So I and sanjeev planned all this. No, I haven’t lost my calci. We wanted to throw a surprise on your birthday . We didn’t want to give a cue to others. So came up with this story. And as per the preplan, sanjeev came up with bag checking suggestion. Everything worked as per the plan. Once again many more wishes. We are gonna bring the cake now please cut it“, and she winked. Whole class looked impressed with this whole lot drama and they threw away birthday wishes to ma’m.
Now I don’t really know how to make the lecturer react to this. But I have to complete the formalities. Hence I will give two kinds of ends to this story.
1. Madam deeply moved by this novel gesture, told that never in her life, her birthday was celebrated in such a way. She also told that this was the most memorable birthday of her life. And she didn’t forget to promise a treat to the whole class. And everyone clapped.
THE END
2. Suddenly madam turned red. She blasted saakshi and sanjeev for playing the mischief. She abused them for wasting her time as well as that of others. She went to princi complained to him. He asked them to bring their parents to college the next day.
They both returned to class with heavy heart and heavy steps. Everyone welcomed them back with a roaring laughter.
Both silently went back to their respective benches. Saaksi found her bag opened. She took a look inside it.
“ MMYYYYYY CALCII IS MISSINGGG..” she screamed shockingly. “And so is mine.!!!” added sanjeev.!!!!!!
THE END
-------------Epilogue-----------------
So what exactly inspired me to write this story? People, actually i was a heavenly soul in LORD INDRA’S COURT, in heaven. Once I OverActed in the court while proceedings were on. Then he cursed me to be born as a retarded soul on earth. I begged his pardon. Then he gave me a way to get myself released from the curse. He told me that if I write a story of retarded people and make other retards read it, my curse will be released. And now thanks to you, my curse is released. I’m packing my luggage now. Have to go back to heaven.
Bye.
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